Capacity for Love


I never thought I would ever have the capacity to love as much as I do, and that ability fills me with hope. It may seem like an odd thing to say, however when I look back at the little girl standing on a street corner abandoned, and for years thinking that I was left there because something was unloveable about me, it is extraordinary to know that I am loveable and able to love others. I think so many adoptees are haunted by the lie that somehow there is something unloveable about them. We wonder were we loved before we were adopted- and that question is rather ambiguous, because we often don’t know who cared for us before the orphanage. Somehow our lives are a black hole, and don’t begin until we walk down the jetway to arrive at our Gotcha Day.

My mom told me she prayed for me and loved me before she knew I was going to be her daughter. Her telling me that, let me know I was loved before I was adopted- it changed my world view, it changed the way I viewed myself. I was loveable and because I was loveable, I could heal and be loving.

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